I’m so inspired, moved, and thrilled to want to write our story. Cause I feel it burning at the tip of my fingers, fueled by an emotion that is born exactly where my heart is and it expands across my chest and up my throat and burns my entire skin, flowing in the shape of a lotus flower opening up between the corners of my face.
right
there
where you placed your hands when we first met after we first met. On the bench, across the most bizarre structure, one could imagine, la Sagrada Familia, the craziest architectural exponent in the city that saw us kiss and fall in love. You saw me coming from across the street, my nerves were kicking, striking, and kept me everywhere. I couldn’t focus and I’m pretty convinced I was walking in zig-zags. I kept thinking WHAT THE EF! is about to happen, what am I doing, it’s midnight and my hands turned red, I’m about to meet up with a stranger who already knows more of me than the rest. Just 40 minutes ago, someone with whom I was still sharing the “boyfriend/girlfriend” label left me at my house and I don’t have words for him anymore, the feeling is mutual, we both know, and I kept on thinking what is about to happen.
Another plot twist in my life.
I should know better.
I took a big sweater, tried to hide in it, and went out to meet him. I was already outside, ready for a second encounter; checking my phone again to read your text and confirm that I was not imagining everything. But there it was.
“Meet at la Sagrada for a midnight beer?”
There was something special and mystical from the rush and fireworks I was feeling, I felt certain and something bigger was pulling me to move, shaking things up and I’m not one to avoid what feels right. Not that day. I didn’t want to follow any rules. I had no intention to question the roots of my behaviors that night. Exciting, yes. Scary, like you have no idea.
Then I saw you from far away. I couldn't even think of what to say or how to act. Should I kiss you, hug you? so I walked towards you without hesitation, you grabbed my face as if it was some kind of treasure you’d been waiting for, my cheeks fit perfectly between your hands and fingers, and a sense of belonging revealed. You started kissing me hard. It was cold, damn cold, but your hands weren’t. You were the warmest place I could have ever been to. It was shocking, overwhelming, and freaking exciting, to say the least. Kissing was an obvious attempt to avoid the silence, the uncertainty, and exposure to saying those things we couldn’t speak out loud. My lips didn’t leave any place untouched, I was exploring every corner of your goddamn skin as if I was on a hunter’s mission, we were so lucky that night there were no humans around or not that I’ve noticed. Who are you? I kept asking myself, and you on multiple occasions, while continuing on kissing you, now softly, letting you know with my touch that my desires to know more about you were clear. Something about talking through touch, I wouldn’t even dare to verbalize what can only be expressed with a kiss or a simple skin-to-skin interaction.
The beginning of our story didn’t start that day, although it was magical, sexy, and fun in its own way, I just wanted to get things heated around this love story. That day and like multiple days that followed were merely verifiers of what was borning between us, you and me. We used to work together, and before the start of our story, we crossed some words along the way and cohabited in the same space for almost a year. We were orbiting each other for an entire year, I’m pretty sure there’s an astrological explanation for that.
Let’s go back to that day and place where we actually met for the first time and when I say met there’s skin and touch involved; again. I close my eyes, go back in time and start again. I woke up early, took a shower, and sent a message to my previous boyfriend, it said
“What are we playing, here? The two of us?.”,
“I’m emotionally unavailable,” he replied.